well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
