Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
