I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
