I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
