my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
