Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
