dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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