My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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