i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
