There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
