I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
