The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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