My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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