i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
