There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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