The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
