FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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