what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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