I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
