I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
