6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
