Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
