No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
