It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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