i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
soo... how was my night?
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