I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
