Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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