News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
