the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
