Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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