she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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