I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I've blown a few things in my day
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
