I heard we made out
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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