Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
