I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
