So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
