the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
