I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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