We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
