At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I think your dad took our porno
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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