I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
everyone is single if you try hard enough
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
