he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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