My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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