You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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