You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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