I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
