Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
