put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
