is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
