she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
