it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
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