he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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